So here I find myself with all three boys of the house asleep, wondering what it will be like to have a girl. As I sit here in what will be her room I stare at the sand colored walls and wonder if she'll want to paint them pink. Will she like a flowery bedspread or one with butterflies? Will her closet be stuffed with clothes and shoes or dolls and craft supplies? Will she love me or will she even like me? What kind of suffering has she already endured and will we be able to gracefully walk through that with her as we show her who Christ is?
May is a little over a week away. April will wrap up our fingerprinting, TB skin testing, medication class and background checks. All that will be left for May is about 7 classes that will most likely be grouped together on a couple of Saturdays. Next will be the home study and then we'll be ready. Well, ready in terms of boxes checked off for a foster care license. This is drawing near very closely and it makes me feel a little unprepared. So many details left undone and unknown. Yet there is a peace that flows over me knowing that God has the most infinite details in his hands. I don't need to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about its self. We are surrounded with people who love us and care for us and we are loved by a God who does and creates all things for his glory. So there is no need to worry about the details. Surely just as I have inteded so it has happened and just as I have planned so it will stand - Isaiah 14:24
I want to buy her things. I want to decorate her room and just shop for her. Not just to shop, but to lavish her with love. Not to say that "things" will show her love either. But to create for her a sense of belonging and a sense of something that is hers alone so that she knows we love her even though we've yet to meet her. She has a family. A daddy whom she will undoubtedly wrap around her finger, a mom who will be her role model and confidant. Two very rowdy and precious brothers who are excited yet don't fully understand what's going down soon. Landon may have a big sister or a little sister, either way he knows she's coming :) What will she look like... her smile, her skin, her heart? Again.. the details.
I look at adoption much differently now and she's not even here yet. Until I truly looked at the way God has adopted us as sons and daughters, I had no way of fathoming the unconditional love it takes. How thankful yet undeserving am I for this gift of adoption into his kingdom! My prayer is that my heart will be so overflowing with love for her that she will be able to catch a tiny minute glimpse of who He is. And she will feel known... loved.