Forgive me for the delay in posting. We've done lots of praying and debating over the last 24 hours.  After our visit with Dr. Holz yesterday, we had to make a decision about our next step. Dr. O'Malley told Dr. Holz what he thought about the retina not being completely detached and he thought we should move forward with the surgery to repair the small tear. That also means a corneal transplant. We had decided already not to do the transplant because of the 95% rejection rate in children. But when we got the second opinion from Dr. O'Malley, that threw a kink in our decision. One doctor thinks the retina is irrepairable, the other thinks it isn't that bad. One of them is right, and one of them is wrong. The only way to find out is to go in and do the surgery. That means they remove his cornea, remove the cataract that has developed, and dive into the retina and see what it looks like. Once that is done we have to go through with the corneal transplant. Landon's cornea is too bad to put back into his eye and a clear donor one has to be used. I asked what if he rejects the cornea as children tend to do... then we do another transplant, and another, and another IF his retina can be reattached! If not, then we just do the one transplant, pray that it holds and if it doesn't we just leave it and the eye will go cloudy. Then we will talk about cosmetics later down the road. 

My initial response was an immediate NO. But as my very dear friend Michelle brought up, if we choose not to do it, when Landon comes to us in 20 years and asks if we did all we could to save his vision, will we be able to tell him yes? And if we don't do this surgery I don't think we could be honest with him. 5% is a very weak percentage. And everything continues to hang on the possible repair of the retina. So we've informed Dr. Holz that we are moving forward and we'll wait and see. I'm going to take a leave of absence from work so that I can be there for everything; office visits, pre-op, post-op. 

Please continue to pray for us. This is really scary for us and I don't want to be putting Landon through this for nothing.  

2nd opinion

So we met with the second retinal specialist this morning (Dr. O'Malley). He gave us another perspective on our situation...kind of :)  He also does not think Landon will regain vision in his eye. He put Landon in a straight jacket, strapped him down, and did another ultrasound and a thorough exam.  That was fun! He showed me on the ultrasound where he thought what our first surgeon (Dr. Holz) thought was a significant retinal detachment, was actually what he thought to be a trajectory of the depth of Landon's wound. He believes when Landon poked himself he actually poked his eye ALL THE WAY TO THE BACK!! Ouch. My baby is so tough. He says that the pupil is pretty much non reactive, and the eye is beginning to get soft and the pressures are starting to decrease. Our Dr. Holz told us that his eye would continue to shrink as time went on and Dr. O'Malley agrees with that. But he doesn't see a significant detachment. He sees a small area where the retina is just beginning to detach from the back of the eye and he sees some scar tissue. He also thinks the cornea is clear.

 So, his recommendations are this: go back to the operating room and remove the scar tissue and clean up some of the eye and inject silicone oil into the eye to help it maintain it's shape and hopefully to prevent the eye from shrinking. There is nothing right now that they can do about him developing a lazy eye, which has already started. I assumed from a cosmetic perspective that we could just let the eye continue to shrink and then replace it with a prosthesis. Dr. O'Malley said that removing a child's eye is an absolute last resort because if you do that Landon's facial bones will not grow around that eye as they should.  So this surgery would be mostly to allow him to keep his eye for as long as possible, not to restore his vision. He thinks there is a slim chance if we do this he MAY have very minimal peripheral vision, but no functional vision. So he called Dr. Holz and gave him his recommendations and we go see Dr. Holz tomorrow afternoon. 

I think Jeremy and I have decided not to pursue the NY trip. Apparently, there is a corneal specialist here in Dr. Holz's office that does the Keratoprosthesis and if that is a route that works for Landon than we can do the whole surgery at one time. So that is where we sit.

This may sound crazy but I left that office with a smile on my face. I have a peace now that I have not had since this whole ordeal started. PRAISE GOD! I hate the fact that we will probably put our Bug through another surgery, but I believe in the long run it will be better for him. 

Yesterday afternoon, our family was blessed by some truly Godly and amazing people. Cynthia, Sandra, Jeanine, Barry, Stephanie, Natalie, Jenn, Allison, Misty and my family gathered at our house and prayed over Landon, Jeremy and I and over my mother-in-law. We heard testimonies of healing & hope and we were reminded of scriptures that tell us how much God loves us and is walking through this storm with us.  It was the most spiritual moment of my life that I can remember other than being saved. My faith was restored and my eyes were lifted to God. So thank you to those who were here with us, and thank you to those who pray for us daily. We will never be able to thank you enough. And thanks Aunt Martha for the yummy dinner!! 

I will update tomorrow afternoon after we see Dr. Holz. Continue to pray that we will make the right decisions concerning our Bug!

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

Romans 8:28

Hmmmm??

Landon will see the other retinal specialist on Monday morning. I am nervous about what he is going to tell us. I so desire for him to tell us he can fix Landon's retina, reattach it and move forward with fixing his cornea. I am trying not to get my hopes up, just take it as it comes. We are trusting God to do the right thing for our baby and to point us in the right direction; wherever that may be.

When our surgeon explained to us that he would need a corneal transplant, he also explained the risks and success rate; or lack there of. Children tend to reject corneal transplants 95% of the time. Mainly because they have such a robust immune system. It is considered a major surgery for them and requires a lot of "poking and crying in the office." That is the way his surgeon explained it to us. We could not see putting him through any more discomfort or torture for a 5% chance of success. So we have looked into this eye institute at Rochester NY simply because they have pioneered a device called the Keratoprosthesis. It is a clear plastic device that replaces the corneal transplant so that you don't have to worry about rejection. So that works
great for children! Of course this all hangs on the fact that someone has to repair his retina first.

So here we are with the nerves again. If he says no he can't repair his retina, do we go somewhere else, or are 2 no's enough? Do I drag him to a third retinal specialist out of state, or just let him continue to play and be a boy? How many no's do I need to hear before I say "okay?" I guess we'll wait and see; and pray for a YES!!

On a funny n0te, I have always said that I hope Landon gets his daddy's vision. I have been in glasses and contacts since I was four! I never wanted him to go through that. Look where we are now :) But Landon was playing at my mom's the other day and he walked over to something on the floor and picked it up and handed it to me and said "look!" (his new favorite word). He handed me the smallest piece of fuzz I had ever seen. I will never know how he saw it, but I think it was God telling me that even if he looses his eye later down the road; he sees better with one eye than I do with both!! I'm getting lasix on May 8th so maybe finally I will be able to see without enhancements. I am burning all paraphenalia that has anything to do with vision correction :)

Thank you for praying for us. We are hoping and praying for God's best for our baby!

Do not be afraid, only believe!
Mark 5:36

Here we go...

So meet Landon. A rowdy, wild little 15 month old boy with an appetite for...trouble!

On March 29th of this year, he poked a hole in his eye with a sharp object. We've been through it; 3 surgeries, lots of office visits, a 4 day stint in the hospital. All of that and a doc who says he won't ever see again out of that eye. He got an overwhelming infection that just did too much damage too quickly. 

It's been a week since we were told he won't see out of his eye again. Probably the most difficult week of my life for sure. I think as a mother, you think you do everything you can to protect them from EVERYTHING. It always seems to be the little inconspicuous things that you miss. Like a night light cover for instance. That's what he poked his eye with. A stinking night light cover!!!! I cannot tell you how the guilt has affected me. It has been like a ton of bricks resting on my chest. To think if I had only removed the stupid thing; this nightmarish roller coaster would have never started. But as I have been reminded these past few days, that is how satan wants me to feel. God on the other hand reminds me that I am not alone in my sadness for my child. That He too went through turmoil and sadness for His son. So slowly, day by day, I am picking myself up off the floor, thanks to my family, my rock of a husband, and of course my God. 

We are seeking out second opinions for Landon's eye. We have an appointment with a second retinal specialist on Monday morning. We live in Houston; a major city with the largest medical center in the country. I found out Wed. that there are only 2 retinal specialists that will deal with children in this huge city full of medical professionals. That seems crazy to me. But it's okay. We may have to fly to Rochester University in NY to seek out specialists there. Where ever the wind takes us I guess. If anyone has any suggestions or knows where we can find a pediatric opthamologist that specializes in detached retinas or corneal transplants please let me know. Thanks for letting me vent!

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10