late night rambling :)

Very rarely is there quiet time around here. Today, however, my wonderful husband helped me clean our bathroom so I could take advantage of a little nap (because 2 hours is considered a little nap to me.) That man knows my heart well! He crawled into bed at 8:30 with the other small occupant and crashed!

So here I find myself with all three boys of the house asleep, wondering what it will be like to have a girl. As I sit here in what will be her room I stare at the sand colored walls and wonder if she'll want to paint them pink. Will she like a flowery bedspread or one with butterflies? Will her closet be stuffed with clothes and shoes or dolls and craft supplies? Will she love me or will she even like me? What kind of suffering has she already endured and will we be able to gracefully walk through that with her as we show her who Christ is?

May is a little over a week away. April will wrap up our fingerprinting, TB skin testing, medication class and background checks. All that will be left for May is about 7 classes that will most likely be grouped together on a couple of Saturdays. Next will be the home study and then we'll be ready. Well, ready in terms of boxes checked off for a foster care license. This is drawing near very closely and it makes me feel a little unprepared. So many details left undone and unknown. Yet there is a peace that flows over me knowing that God has the most infinite details in his hands. I don't need to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about its self. We are surrounded with people who love us and care for us and we are loved by a God who does and creates all things for his glory. So there is no need to worry about the details. Surely just as I have inteded so it has happened and just as I have planned so it will stand - Isaiah 14:24

I want to buy her things. I want to decorate her room and just shop for her. Not just to shop, but to lavish her with love. Not to say that "things" will show her love either. But to create for her a sense of belonging and a sense of something that is hers alone so that she knows we love her even though we've yet to meet her. She has a family. A daddy whom she will undoubtedly wrap around her finger, a mom who will be her role model and confidant. Two very rowdy and precious brothers who are excited yet don't fully understand what's going down soon. Landon may have a big sister or a little sister, either way he knows she's coming :) What will she look like... her smile, her skin, her heart? Again.. the details.

I look at adoption much differently now and she's not even here yet. Until I truly looked at the way God has adopted us as sons and daughters, I had no way of fathoming the unconditional love it takes. How thankful yet undeserving am I for this gift of adoption into his kingdom! My prayer is that my heart will be so overflowing with love for her that she will be able to catch a tiny minute glimpse of who He is. And she will feel known... loved.

NO big red!

For those of you who thought my vanity about my new minivan was amusing, check out the post from this adoption mommy.

Big Red

No, there will not be not be a big red in our future :) (Just in case you were wondering.)

First expenses...

I know what you're thinking! If you know me well, you know this may very well be a healthy decoration in our kitchen... especially with MY cooking skills :) Actually it was our very first adoption expense. In order to get your foster care license there are many hoops you must jump through. (FYI: you have to have your foster care license to adopt out of the foster care system, because when a child is placed in your home they don't become your forever child until 6 months later when the adoption is finalized.) One of these hoops was a fire safety inspection of our home, which requires the fire extinguisher. Thus, I wrote my first "adoption expense" check for $54.70!

The fire marshal inspector brought the boys some little reminders about fire safety. They both kind of followed him around in awe at having a real fireman in our home. Daddy on the other hand was a little nervous that the fireman might try to take off his shirt :) While very kind and informative, this fireman was NOT a candidate for the fireman calendar (unfortunately :)

Landon went right to town coloring in his fire safety book. 

To hear him say "Look Mom, this is me and this is my sister!" not only stopped me in my tracks, but it nearly made me sob. I am blown away by the way God continually prepares his heart for a new sister as well as ours. Now if we can only work on Keaton!

I could have made this particular picture an entire post of it's own. It was actually our first expense but we can't totally write it off as an "adoption" expense. I've been driving around with Keaton's feet in my back for the last couple of months. We grow em' big in this family and he ran out of leg room a while back. I'll admit I had a love for my Nissan Murano that I really shouldn't have had. We knew when we started thinking about adoption that we would need a bigger family vehicle. I vehemently refused "A minivan.. I am not even 30 yet! How many 20 something women do you know that drive a minivan? That is just crazy! I am NOT doing it!! NO WAY!!" 

One of my BFFs Nicci has a minivan. I always comment on how much room it has, how practical it is, and how smoothly it drives. I loved that she can load up her twins and all of their beach gear and head down to Galveston without trying to "cram" stuff in the van to fit. 

So... last week at church our pastor talked about living simply, for God, not ourselves and not storing up treasures on earth. It went right in step with our family financial goal of living debt free (except for our home, which will be the next big goal) this year. God really spoke through that sermon. We paid off my Murano at the beginning of the month, then last week we went and****GASP*** bought a minivan. (Actually we made an even trade so we did NOT incur a new vehicle note!)

I love it! It has so much room, it's so practical, and the drive is so smooth. I love how I can load up the kids, and a couple of extras, and head wherever we're going without trying to "cram" stuff in. I'll be honest and transparent. The first few days, I kind of rode ducked down in the seat so no one would see me. I know it's pathetic. God had to work hard :)

Landon, who loves the van, proudly proclaimed one day after school, "Mom, this is just like the Joker Van!!" Thank you son. Thank you!